Spoofing Shakespeare During the Pandemic – John Dutton

Macbeth
 
ACT V SCENE I 
Dunsinane. Ante-room in the castle.
 
[Enter a Doctor of Physic and a Waiting-Gentlewoman]
Doctor
I have two nights watched with you, but can perceive
no truth in your report. When was it she last coughed?

Gentlewoman
Since his majesty went into the field, I have seen
her rise from her bed, throw her night-gown upon
her, unlock her closet, take forth paper, fold it,
write upon't, read it, afterwards seal it, and again
return to bed; yet all this while coughing her bloody head off.

Doctor
A great perturbation in nature, to receive at once
this great sickness of Covid 19, and do nothing towards the effects of it besides watching! In this contagious agitation, besides her
coughing and other actual performances, what, at any
time, have you heard her say?

Gentlewoman
That, sir, which I will not report after her.

Doctor
You may to me: and 'tis most meet you should.

Gentlewoman
Neither to you nor anyone; having no witness to
confirm my speech, for I trust no one in these dark days.

[Enter LADY MACBETH, with a taper]

Lo you, here she comes! See with your own eyes the depths of her decay. Observe her; stand close.

Doctor
How came she stay upright with all that hacking?

Gentlewoman
Why, it stood by her: she has Robitussin flowing through her
continually; 'tis her command.

Doctor
You see, her bloodshot eyes are open in slits; she looks comatose.

Gentlewoman
Ay, but her sense of smell is shut.

Doctor
What is it she does now? Look, how she rubs her hands.

Gentlewoman
It is an accustomed action with her, to seem thus
washing her hands in sanitizer: I have known her continue in
this a quarter of an hour.

LADY MACBETH
Yet here's a spot.

Doctor
Hark! she speaks: I will set down what comes from
her, to satisfy my remembrance the more strongly.

LADY MACBETH
Out, damned contagion! out, I say!--One: two: why,
then, 'tis time to do't.--Hell is murky!--Fie,
Covid 19, fie! Disease, and virus be gone! What need I
fear who knows it, when none can call our President to
account?--Yet who would have thought I have
so much of the germ on me.

Doctor
Do you mark that?

LADY MACBETH
The grocer at Giant had toilet paper: where is it now?--
What, will these hands ne'er be clean?--No more o'
that, my President, no more o' that: you mar all with
this starting.

Doctor
Go to, go to; you have known what you should not.

Gentlewoman
She has spoke what she should not, I am sure of
that: heaven knows what she has known.

LADY MACBETH
Here's the smell of the sanitizer still: all the
sanitizers of Arabia will not cure this little
hand. Oh, oh, oh!

Doctor
What a sigh is there! The health is sorely charged.

Gentlewoman
I would not have such a heart in my bosom for the
dignity of the whole body.

Doctor
Well, well, well,--

Gentlewoman
Pray God it be, sir.

Doctor
This disease is beyond my practise: yet I have known
those which have even coughed in their sleep who have died
holily in their beds.

LADY MACBETH
Wash your hands, put on your nightgown; look not so
pale.--I tell you yet again, Banquo's buried; he
cannot come out on's grave and spread the virus further.

Doctor
Even so?

LADY MACBETH
To bed, to bed! there's knocking at the gate:
come, come, come, come, give me your hand. What's
done cannot be undone.--To bed, to bed, to bed!

[Exit]

Doctor
Will she go now to bed?

Gentlewoman
Directly.

Doctor
Foul whisperings are abroad: unnatural deeds
Do breed unnatural troubles: infected mouths
To their deaf pillows will discharge their secrets:
More needs she the divine than the physician.
God, God forgive us all! Look after her;
Remove from her the means of all annoyance,
And still keep eyes upon her. So, good night:
My mind she has mated, and amazed my sight.
I think, but dare not speak.

Gentlewoman
Good night, good doctor.

Copyright 2020 John Dutton

Bio:

John Dutton isa middle school teacher  of language arts in Prince William County. He is the founder and host of Spilled Ink VA. [www.SpilledInkVA.com] Spilled Ink is an open mic for writers, poets, and scribblers. It is held every fourth Friday at Jirani’s Coffeehouse in John Dutton has taught language arts to middle school students in Prince William County for more years than he can remember. Seeing that the life of a teacher is filled with stacks upon stacks of papers waiting to be graded, he prefers spending his time as a classroom scribe writing alongside his students. He enjoys writing poetry and stories because anything is possible when pencil hits paper! In January 2015, John began hosting Spilled InkSpilled Ink is an open microphone night celebrating the written word held on the fourth Friday of the month at Jirani Coffeehouse in Old Towne, Manassas. It is open to all writers, authors, poets, or scribblers. All are welcome to read or listen. Please see his website at www.SpilledInkVA.com. John has published two books: Armadillo Lost Her Pillow and Argument at the Airport. His third book, Billy Pug’s Worst Day, is now in its final stages, so look for it soon. 

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Throughout June and July, we will be presenting on this web site work by poets and artists responding to the COVID-19 pandemic. We hope you will find these works relevant, comforting and inspiring as we all cope with the economic and health-related fallout.

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Throughout June and July, we will be presenting on this web site work by poets and artists responding to the COVID-19 pandemic. We hope you will find these works relevant, comforting and inspiring as we all cope with the economic and health-related fallout. Please consider donating to AFAC.

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