First Person

First Person
by Emily Carlson 


I didn’t see the crash
from where she stood
while our children 
rode bikes in the street 
but I could have 
as I am also a bird
alighting and the crown 
of the little dogwood 
beside us. When she tells 
me, “We planned to move
home to Israel, then
the pandemic hit,” I begin 
like a fool for connection, 
“I was in Beirut when 
Israel invaded—” as if that’s 
a friendly handshake. But
I meant it like, small world. 
She cuts in, “I wouldn’t call 
that an invasion. That was 
a war. They captured  
our soldiers.” Or, I meant to 
make her see it my way. 
Supersonic fighter aircraft vs. 
soldiers in lawn chairs, 
their guns on the ground. 
A fiery blast.
A smudge of ash. 
To fight meant we’d be 
wiped from the face 
of the earth. Like wiping  
a tear from a face, 
that easy. I could let go
of my story, remember 
wisdom is the omniscient 
mind. But— 
says the I, what we call  
a thing isn’t just semantics. I could 
walk away. Or, I could look 
at her like a sister, 
ask of her family back home 
from ten feet, six feet—  
while our children play in the street.

Copyright 2023 by Emily Carlson

Emily Carlson is a teacher and the director of Art in the Garden, an LGBTQ+ led, joy-centered arts and ecology program that addresses the impacts of childhood adversity and trauma. Their poetry chapbooks include Why Misread a Cloud, selected by Kimiko Hahn as the winner of Tupelo Press’ 2022 Sunken Garden Chapbook Award and I Have a Teacher, selected by Mary Ruefle as the winner of 2016 Center for Book Arts Chapbook Competition. In 2006, Emily received a travel scholarship from the Nationality Rooms at the University of Pittsburgh which took her to Lebanon. Why Misread a Cloud explores connections between military and police strategy, specifically looking at Lebanon during July War of 2006 and police violence in Pittsburgh in 2012. Emily, her partner the poet Sten Carlson, and their three children live in Pittsburgh in an intentional community centered around a garden.    

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